I’ve started to want to challenge myself more. So whenever I make a family I move them into a house with the money they have then leave it with that money they have left. Make them go get a job so they save up money themselves.
THIS IS THE REALEST SHIT IVE EVER SEEN
(Insert drum tap here)…
She’s my favourite
mom: where are you going its almost midnight
PUDDINGFACED MOODKILL! Y U DO DIS EA??
"HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS A PROSTITUTION RING?!"
so yesterday we were leaving the apartment and have people who live in the upstairs… we saw a car we never saw before and some guy talking and i’m an extremely shy person since i was a baby (always behind my parents legs hiding my face—but i’m not THAT shy anymore…but i still am when it comes to new people/strangers) and my mom — she’s just a snooper (even though she swears she isn’t).
so we waited to go out to the car and then suddenly she went to get an apple and i walked into the garage and then ANOTHER car came in so i said “hey ma — another car just came in!” and my mom pops up by the door with wide eyes and she goes “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS A PROSTITUTION RING?!”
and i BURST out fucking laughing oh my GOD. lmfao. like why the fuck does everything have to be SO drastic with my mom? i’m cracking up so badly and then finally i was like, when i stopped laughing, you know ma we’ve been here a little over a year and we’ve never seen this type of action so i DOUBT IT — but y mom she has it all figured out she’s like “she justh ad a baby and she’s your age and she doesn’t work so her ass is on the state so WHY NOT prostituting herself?” and i’m erupting into even MORE laughter like holy shit okay you AWARD WINNING AUTHOR lmfao — like how many fucking books have you written in that MIND of yours?
when i finally stopped laughing— again(and she was still looking through the peep hole) i was like “ma, it doesn’t have to be that. i mean it’s not like we live in a bad neighborhood…we live in the suburbs and you don’t even know her!” and she’s like “SO?! just because we have a front lawn and we’ve got tree’s and we’re in the country doesn’t mean this kind of shit does not happen. It’s happened before and i know enough about her.”
and i’m like… lmfao ma — and she’s like so into the peephole and i’m not tall enough to see through it unless i jump up and down but that’s pointless and i’m like WOULD YOU REMOVE YOUR EYEBALL FROM THE HOLE PLEASE? LMFAO like just let it go.
my mom is so funny. she’s ALWAYS worst case scenario. ALWAYS. like she’ll be like “i hope nothing bad happens” and then to finish that statement she’ll say “but clearly it means the person is dead somewhere in an alley which is devastating.” and you’re just left standing there like…. LMFAO WHAT THE FUCK MA, you said you HOPE nothing BAD happens.
i legitimately started laughing to the point of crying in class today because
how does peter pan measure his height?
technically he doesn’t even need to frequently measure himself or anything though because he’s all forever youthful
you can use these in your smoothie shops
please pay me