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"HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS A PROSTITUTION RING?!"

so yesterday we were leaving the apartment and have people who live in the upstairs… we saw a car we never saw before and some guy talking and i’m an extremely shy person since i was a baby (always behind my parents legs hiding my face—but i’m not THAT shy anymore…but i still am when it comes to new people/strangers) and my mom — she’s just a snooper (even though she swears she isn’t).

so we waited to go out to the car and then suddenly she went to get an apple and i walked into the garage and then ANOTHER car came in so i said “hey ma — another car just came in!” and my mom pops up by the door with wide eyes and she goes “HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS A PROSTITUTION RING?!”

and i BURST out fucking laughing oh my GOD. lmfao. like why the fuck does everything have to be SO drastic with my mom? i’m cracking up so badly and then finally i was like, when i stopped laughing, you know ma we’ve been here a little over a year and we’ve never seen this type of action so i DOUBT IT — but y mom she has it all figured out she’s like “she justh ad a baby and she’s your age and she doesn’t work so her ass is on the state so WHY NOT prostituting herself?” and i’m erupting into even MORE laughter like holy shit okay you AWARD WINNING AUTHOR lmfao — like how many fucking books have you written in that MIND of yours?

when i finally stopped laughing— again(and she was still looking through the peep hole) i was like “ma, it doesn’t have to be that. i mean it’s not like we live in a bad neighborhood…we live in the suburbs and you don’t even know her!” and she’s like “SO?! just because we have a front lawn and we’ve got tree’s and we’re in the country doesn’t mean this kind of shit does not happen. It’s happened before and i know enough about her.”

 and i’m like… lmfao ma — and she’s like so into the peephole and i’m not tall enough to see through it unless i jump up and down but that’s pointless and i’m like WOULD YOU REMOVE YOUR EYEBALL FROM THE HOLE PLEASE? LMFAO like just let it go.

my mom is so funny. she’s ALWAYS worst case scenario. ALWAYS. like she’ll be like “i hope nothing bad happens” and then to finish that statement she’ll say “but clearly it means the person is dead somewhere in an alley which is devastating.” and you’re just left standing there like…. LMFAO WHAT THE FUCK MA, you said you HOPE nothing BAD happens.

jaclcfrost:

jaclcfrost:

i legitimately started laughing to the point of crying in class today because

how does peter pan measure his height?

in peters

technically he doesn’t even need to frequently measure himself or anything though because he’s all forever youthful

meaning he

nevergrows

@

3 weeks ago   1453    REBLOG
#lmfao #wtf

stevebuscemischoiceass:

you can use these in your smoothie shops
please pay me

3 weeks ago   55    REBLOG
#lmfao #wtf

stevebuscemischoiceass:

you can use these in your smoothie shops
please pay me

3 weeks ago   55    REBLOG
#lmfao #wtf

averagebare:

i heard a kid say “but DAAAAAD” and his dad said “DID YOU JUST CALL ME BUTT-DAD? YOURE GROUNDED” I HAVE BEEN LAUGHING FOR 3 YEARS

1 month ago   258803    REBLOG
#lmfao #wtf

tashirac:

clembastow:

#cause they search for aliens by drinking martinis by the pool side #hand me the gin god damn it scully

stopwhitewashing:

Santoine:

image

Gurl, no

Biracial people are Black people.

I see what you are saying, but biracial people are Black people too.

You are putting limitations and parameters around Blackness and Black identity, which is insulting and fucking wrong of you to do.

I agree with the assertion that there’s not many biracial characters on TV, but to not let a biracial person play a Black character implies there’s a standard, singular Black experience. Plus, not all biracial people are light skinned. Some of them aren’t white passing. But all of them are Black people.

I’m really disappointed that you feel this way. 

Made Rebloggable by Request

I don’t feel disappointed. The anon has a point. If bi-racial people can continually play black people in tv and movies then why not let white people play black people? Seriously — biracial is NOT the same thing as being black. People aren’t only biracial because half or part of them are black — they could be other races mixed together that have nothing at all to do with the black race.

cooltry:

Cool Try is proud to offer signed and numbered (Edition of 100) marble slab cruiser boards. More info and images at www.cooltry.net

I BEEZ IN THE TRAP—-and apparently i’m having SEX IN THE LOUNGE

well… besides “beez in the trap” i really like “sex in the lounge” on nicki minaj’s album…i dunno what lil wayne is talking about though:



Beat that and use a rubber, but I came on her body
I lay her down and kiss her neck and talk dirty to her
Like I get that pussy wetter than a dirty sewer

uh…. that is not attractive lil wayne. you lost me when you “came on her body” and when you got “that pussy wetter than a dirty sewer” …. who the fuck wants to HEAR that?

they’re lucky this beat is hot. LMAO because the shit they are saying is just disgusting.

1 year ago     REBLOG
#hiphop #music #wtf
  • mom: she's going to take one of those bitches from the laundry and move them somewhere else.
  • me: ...
1 year ago     REBLOG
#lmfao ma #wtf
1 year ago     REBLOG
#harrison ford #WTF

oh christ. my cousin’s at it again…

she gets a tongue ring and suddenly corsets are her life. it kills me how she’ll take photos of herself in the bathroom mirror…and there’s a baby potty in the background.

i don’t understand what happened to her. it’s like she lost her mind.

1 year ago     REBLOG
#wtf #relatives

Atlantic City…is so utterly boring.

1 year ago     REBLOG
#wtf

i had such a nightmare last night…

i was all set to go on vacation and then my parents (don’t know why they were married in my dream, they’ve been divorced for nearly 10 years already) told me that we weren’t going to canada anymore—and i was all like WTF?! i was obssessing over our dog though because i was scared that he wouldn’t be alright spending the entire weekend inside the house. apparently my father forgot to ask somebody to take care of him, so he claimed the vet was going to take care of him, but he wasn’t sure—so I kept obsessing like i gave him more fresh water and more food than usual and i fixed his dog bed and his dog blankets, and then i started moving lamps and everything i thought he could knock into and will fall—and hit him on the head, and then finally my parents were like nope we’re not going anymore.

i wasn’t this age either. i was a teenager. usually when i dream i’m always older than i am because in my mind i’m always older than i am.

anyway my dad’s wife was living in my mom’s old condo—or actually just visiting and i was like what? so i went swimming, but it felt like arizona, not connecticut, in my aunt and uncle’s pool—and she was like ‘oh somebody is in here’ when i tried to get into the bathroom to change my clothes (i went swimming with my pants and t-shirt on. NOT shorts…but pants…). so i got ready and man i had some fly shit on lmao—a nice pair of jeans and this t-shirt that was wicked cool, don’t even know where it came from in my dream because i don’t own such a shirt. so i got ready and i knew by the time i got ready she’d be out and on the prowl. so my father told me that he’d wait for me—so i went to go grab litey bear (obviously) and then i an into my dad’s wife.

she was all like blah blah blah blah blah and then she started singing church songs—and i was like listen lady, lets not get fucking crazy over here. so i walked out the door and suddenly it all looked like my mom’s condo again. so i’m in the parking area for the cars and i see these two guys who are apparently my neighbors (in my dreams) and really friendly. so i ask them if they’ve seen my father (and my mom was with him too but i asked about my dad) and he said oh yeah, he left—so i went postal and suddenly we weren’t in connecticut anymore, we were in pennsylvania.

so i started making comments about how my dad’s just pissed off because his high tech smart phone doesn’t work in penn. and they’re like well that’s strange it should work anywhere in the united states and i’m like i know, but whatever.

so i ended up at a gas station with a mini mart—actually, it was like a mini grocery store and no gas station. so i go in there and i got a hold of my mom on her cell phone since my dad’s was on the frits and i’m like ma! you guys left me! and she’s like oh your father this and your father that—and i’m like what the hell? so i’m in line with somethings and those two guys that are apparently my neighbors were there and they were throwing mints at me like a whole container of them telling me to buy them because they’ll help me not be so angry.

so i took them and i’m standing in line—and then i’m in the wrong area so all these people are going ahead of me before i realize. well i sneeze in my dream and then when i open my eyes again i see that two guys ahead of me just dropped their stuff and reached into the back of their pants for GUNS.

so i throw myself outside of the mini mart and i don’t tell anybody—but then they catch on. suddenly there are more than one guy and one followed me outside—just shooting and shooting and shooting—and i’m scrambling around on the damn floor like oh my god… they’re going to kill me. i mean they were murdering people in the fucking street right in front of my eyes!!!!

so i don’t know how i did it but i hid under somebody’s suv and prayed they guy ran out of bullets, but then later on in the dream i was watching some guy tell the story—but it was MY STORY and he was telling the news lady and she asked him what happened and he’s like “I climbed on top of one of the suv’s and stayed flat and then I kicked the guy in the back when he tried to climb on top the suv—his gun went flying and then he smashed his head into another car and got knocked out—or died—and i’m like that fucking asshole is telling my story and he’s telling it WRONG!

end of dream

2 years ago     REBLOG
#dreams #nightmares #wtf #weird #strange