The Night I Dreamt of Dr. Barnaby Fulton
I FUCKING CAN’T
I was in school, it was like a high school, yet it was like a college too. I dunno, it was probably college, but anyway, I was going down a hallway that didn’t have ANY of my classes—ANY, and why? Because I was on the fucking prowl for Dr. Fulton. LMAO. Don’t ask me why he was a teacher or a professor—he’s not one in Monkey Business.
Anyway, I knew that he had a classroom in that hallway so I was bound to see him. At least that’s what I was telling myself.
Well I ran into Malia and she was very stylish—she was like a 1950s female student with like books in her hand an skirt…and a fucking poodle skirt—and she had a cardigan on.. LMFAO—FIGURES, anyway, I didn’t have any books in my hand—I don’t even think I had a backpack on and i SERIOUSLY didn’t have a purse. I wasn’t even dressed like anything from the 1950s—I was very modern with jeans on a t-shirt—and sneakers, lmao.
Anyway she was so loud when she asked me, “WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING IN THIS HALLWAY?” an I told told her, “Oh nothing, I just have some time to kill” and then she was like “OH MY GOD. yOU CAME HERE TO SEE DR. FULTON!” and I was like like “OH MY GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE SOMEBODY HEARS YOU!” —lmfao, i nearly punched her in the throat. She kept blabbing her mouth and I kept getting more and more nervous. Finally, I was like dude, shut your fucking trap SERIOUSLY—anyway, we kept walking and so many students were running around and I was like I’m never going to see him. Well—I DID see him and he was doing something silly with another teacher (or professor) there, and he had on this funny looking jacket—it almost looked like a woman’s coat, and it was in some kind of like darkened or muted light pink color—and he was laughing—and I was just STARING my fucking ass off at him.
He kind of looked like this…except with different clothes and a coat pinkish coat on (still dunno where that came from or why… lmfao)—and without the phone:
But then he looked and she saw me and my eyes got so HUGe and I turned around so fast—and Malia was like “what’s the matter?” and I was like “Ohhh, nothing, but I should get to class” and she’s like “what’s the point of you hurrying now? you’ll never make it on time—you’re on the total opposite end of the building” and I then she noticed how out of breath I was and he said “OH MY GOD, YOU SAW DR. FULTON. DIDN’T YOU?!” and I was like “FUCK YOU DUDE—NO.” So she turned around and she said “oh my god, there he is!” and she looked behind her at, at me and she’s like walk this way with me and you get to see him closer” but I started jogging the OPPOSITE way. LMFAO—and then finally she hurt her mouth and she disappeared in her classroom, and I swear her teacher’s last name was “Peck”.
By now the hallway is getting empty, and I finally noticed the time and i’m already like 10 minutes late for class—so i’m fucked and I’m still in the same hallway because it’s like a 20 miles long.
Welll I figured why even bother? I started walking in the direction of Dr. Fulton’s classroom—I figured that now that nobody was in the hallway and MALIA wasn’t being so damn loud, I could at least pass by and catch a glimpse of him doing whatever—really, I didn’t care at that point. LMAO. Anyway, I go to the classroom where I saw him standing with the coat on, but he wasn’t in there and the name on the door wasn’t even his name. So I kept going down the hall—and I was looking in every classroom as I walked by, and he wasn’t in there—and his name wasn’t on any of the doors. Now I figured I was just dreaming, but then I remembered Malia and how she nearly told my BIG SECRET to the fucking WORLD—and I’m like no, he was REALLY there—even she saw him.
It was then that I remembered that my music class was meeting in the school’s arena (and it sounds more like a college—and one with more of an art/music background)—so I figured by that time I got there, they’d be arriving and I could bullshit to the teacher that I thought we were to report there instead of the classroom.
Well I met up with them alright, but then some girl from my class said that I wasn’t allowed to eat inside the arena and for some reason I had an oatmeal cookie in my pocket—that I was breaking off piece by piece and eating as I was trying to find Dr. Fulton. LMAO—apparently I needed FUEL to keep going. So I was finding the piece in my mouth hard to swallow, so I noticed a water fountain and I went over to it.
It was there I started to notice that the guy leading the class wasn’t even our teacher, but some elderly like 90 year old guy and I started to wonder what happened to our teacher. Well that girl came over to me and she was all perfect and shit—I mean books properly in her hands and a poodle skirt and her hair tied back with a ribbon and blah blah blah bLAAAHAHHH lmfao. I wanted to fucking SMASH her face in. So she’s standing next to me and she’s telling me to hurry up because we were going to have to get in our positions on stage because our teacher had to leave suddenly and that Dr. Fulton was gong to instruct us.
OMG I nearly died. LMFAO. I told her “Fuck. I don’t feel so good. I can’t go in there” and she’s like “You were just eating a cookie. What do you mean you don’t feel good?” and I started to hear male footsteps in dress shoes coming down the hallway and I was like “Oh my god, I need to leave NOW!!! COME WITH ME!!!” So she’s like “well i can’t leave because I’m the lead on the piano” and I’m like this fucking bitch—LMAO, her and her fucking piano!
So I took off—and I ended up in a teacher’s tiny lounge room—it looked more like a walk-in closet more than anything else. WEll Malia was there with some male student—reading from some papers.
So of course they stopped reading and they were like WTF? and Malia was all like “aren’t you supposed to be rehearsing in the Arena?” and as soon as she asked that, we heard my name over the loud speaker—and her eyes grew as big as dinner plates and she was like “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!?!”” LMFAO.
I told her I did nothing and to continue reading and they both looked at me for a few minutes—but then they got back to reading and I realized then that they were practicing for a play. Well about a 10 minutes later there was a knock on the door and was like OMG—it’s for me. Well it WAS for me. Dr. Fulton opened the door and foe whatever reason he had on a cardigan and no glasses and I was like …. I am going to DIE right now.
He looked at Malia first because she was wicked close to the male student and suddenly then even the male student looked like he was from the 1950s—LMAO—everyone looked that way EXCEPT ME.
So Dr. Fulton asked “Why are you in here?” to them, but more to her and she was all nervous and she said, that they were rehearsing for a play and he asked, “Aren’t you in Mr. Peck’s class?” and she said “Yes” and he said “Shouldn’t you be in that class right now?” and she said “Yes” and he then said “Well let’s pretend I didn’t find you both for a couple of minutes more—finish the scene.”
At this point I was near death. LMFAO. I was thinking that there was no way for me to leave—at least being unnoticed, so I just sat there as still as I could hoping that when they went back to class he’d FORGET I was in there since he hadn’t even addressed me since coming in.
In my mind at that point as wall I kept thinking how Dr. Fulton looked like Cary Grant in “People Will Talk”—and how I had just seen that movie on the big screen and I’m like…isn’t it weird that he’s supposed to be in the Science field, yet he’s conducting an orchestra (or whatever the fuck we were—who the fuck knows)—and then everything around me was like so 1950s. The furniture, the colors—everything—except me. EXCEPT ME. lmfao.
Anyway he clapped when they were finished and he told them to return to their classes. I figured I was invisible at this point so I stood up so lowly to leave and that’s when he shut the door behind them.
I literally broke out in a sweat and I started to straighten my spine and my shoulders and let go of the arms of the chair as I used them to push myself out the chair. He put his hands on his waist and je just looked at me for what seemed like ETERNITY—not saying a fucking WORD to me.
I was finally about to nervously say something when eh said “I’ve ben looking for you” and I was like… oh my god WUT? LMFAO. Like my ears were pounding and he said “You’re supposed to be with the rest of your class. What are you doing in here?”
Suddenly he looked more like THIS at this point:
The cardigan wasn’t there anymore and his hair wasn’t like it normally is (you know, how cary’s chair normally is in a bunch of movies), but it was buzzed off just like he got it cut in Monkey Business—but the expression was the same and I was like…. oh my GAWD he’s gonna fucking KILL ME by just standing there—he didn’t even have the glasses on, but he was TOTALLY going to kill me anyway.
And I just looked at him like a deer caught in headlights—then I woke up…. at 12noon. LMFAO. i must have been REALLY fucking tired running around NONE STOP in my dream that I slept THAT long.