#harrisonford #hollywoodhomicide #2003 #cops #boss #action #comedy
"Kill people with comedy"
just had to mention
seriously, check out Donnell Rawlings on youtube. his stand up is called From Ashy to Classy and it’s its in 3 parts. live and uncut. FUNNIEST shit in a long time. if you love stand up comedy, ya gotta give this dude a whirl.
spent the last five hours listening to stand up comedians
i laughed so hard i started sweating.
Mike Epps - UnderRated (Part 5) HD (by KINGD2NZ)
"There’s a girl squirting goat milk in the corner."
"I know who it is…"
Oh my god, I am DYING. LMFAO.
Mike Epps - UnderRated (Part 3) HD (by KINGD2NZ)
Bruce Bruce “Not Your Blazer” (by LathamEntertainment)
Bruce Bruce is so fucking funny. I LOVE when he makes comments on the people who go to see him. Especially the people who get there late. I would NEVER show up late to see Bruce Bruce—lmao, his ass would find me and make fun of me and I’d laugh my ass too—LMAO!!!
Cary Grant in "Monkey Business" as Dr. Barnaby Fulton.
i gotta tell ya, dudes are gonna have to start doing things like this to get my attention.
“Someone Who Can Satisfy” Gibbs/Ziva/NCIS Fan Fiction / Chapter 2
Author’s Note: Jackson is not Jackson Gibbs. Sorry for any confusion.
The quick mechanical sound of the camera went off like a gun shot through her stomach, but she hardly flinched. DiNozzo stepped around her, the arm of his NCIS jacket rushing against her own.
"Look alive, David." He barked as if he were in charge.
McGee rolled his eyes behind DiNozzo’s back and carried on with scanning the bathroom for with his eyes.
"Where are your gloves, McStoop?"
"I haven’t touched anything yet, Tony." His sigh so full of annoyance. "You always want to take pictures so how about you take them?"
"Do I detect hostility in your weakened voice, McFluff?"
McGee thinks of rising from his kneeling position to say something back, but thinks otherwise when he catches the twinkle in DiNozzo’s eyes.
"…because you know when it’s all said and done, I am the senior agent and I am-"
"The one who is going to wind up taking a taxicab home if you don’t the hell shut up, DiNozzo!" Gibbs barks. "Why don’t you go outside and wait in the hallway."
"For what boss?"
"For Ducky and Palmer." He winces. "Go, DiNozzo."
Tony brushes past Ziva again, the twinkle in his eyes are much more dim now that he has been yelled at, but it still very much is there. “It’s all you, David.”
She makes a silly and annoyed face to satisfy what she knows he expects on a daily basis, but the strength she used to do so made her even more tired than she already was.
"Whoever did this knew what they were doing, boss." McGee finally stands. "I can’t find any evidence around the body that could have been left behind."
"Hopefully Ducky can pull something from the body." Gibbs stands next to McGee and looks to the floor and the body at the same angle. Just then a professional looking man appears by the bathroom door. "…Can I help you?"
"Yes. I wonder wondering what time this room would be ready?"
Gibbs knits his eyebrows while Ziva turns her back and walks slowly away from the door and the man standing by it. “Ready for what?”
"For a customer." He takes notice to the dead body, but doesn’t even bat an eye.
"There isn’t going to be any customer until we’re positive that there’s nothing here." Gibbs pauses. "This is a crime scene until further notice."
"This is the biggest suite this hotel has." The man practically whines.
"Sorry." Gibbs shrugs. "Until further notice."
The man scoffs and vanishes as quickly as he came in. Gibbs just stares at the now empty door frame and squints his eyes.
McGee wait’s a few more seconds before opening his mouth. “I find it kind of strange that he didn’t mind being near a dead body…”
"He didn’t do it." Gibbs says firmly. "He’s an idiot."
Inside the squad-room DiNozzo entertains himself with a pastrami sandwich while his partners busy themselves with the orders they were given.
Ziva sits quietly at her desk and tries to wait patiently for her email to load.
"Why so serious, Zee-vah?" DiNozzo asks from around his sandwich.
"Are you speaking to me, Tony?"
"I did say your name…didn’t I?" He makes a weird face. "Are you trying to set me up for a trick?"
"Why would I want to trick you?"
"I don’t know. You’re a woman, aren’t you?" He looks to McGee quickly. "Do you know something that I don’t know, Probie?"
"You’re paranoid." McGee remarks. "Maybe something they put in that sandwich."
"This sandwich was made by the hands of an angel."
"Which number is she for the week, Tony?" Ziva asks him; a smirk dances across her lips. "Is she legal?"
"You’re so funny I forgot to laugh." He retorts, but gets back to his sandwich and minding ‘most’ of his business.
Ziva and McGee grin at one another.
Ducky rounds the metal table as Gibbs crosses his arms firmly over his chest.
"I am running tests on what I hope is a partial fingerprint, but nothing is definite."
"The body was wrapped in plastic?"
"Yes. From his collar down to his ankles." Ducky walks to the other side of the table and points to the plastic that he removed from the body. "Someone found the time to take his clothes off, shoot him, wrap his body in tight plastic, and redress him."
Gibbs uncrosses his arms. “Drugs in his system?”
"Not a single one."
"Signs of sexual activity?"
"I did not find any residue or any signs of protection.
"Was he getting ready to take a shower?" Gibbs almost sounds desperate.
"If he was on his way to cleanse himself, my instincts tell me he did not succeed." Ducky is quiet for a moment. "He doesn’t smell clean."
"What does he smell like?" Gibbs takes a step closer to the body.
"I’ll save you the trouble." Ducky puts his hand out and motions to Palmer.
"Uh, well, you see-"
Gibbs ignores Palmer, gets closer to the body, and inhales quickly. “He smells like a cigarette.”
"Cigar, actually." Palmer corrects him while putting his index finger in the air.
Gibbs gives him a dark look.
"But tobacco is tobacco…" Palmer squeaks uneasily, then realizes Ducky is giving him the look that means he should ‘disappear’ for a little while. "I think I hear Abby calling me."
Palmer disappears within seconds and the doors slide shut behind him.
"Abby should be reporting to you in the next hour or so."
"Thanks, Duck." Gibbs says before strolling through the automatic doors.
Gibbs enters the squad-room quickly; the ends of his jacket flapping in the wind. “I hope you’re not eating on my time, DiNozzo.”
Tony uses his tongue to lick off the mustard in the corner of his mouth. “Certainly not, boss.”
Gibbs rolls his eyes before grabbing his last half of the sandwich and throwing it in the garbage. “Get to work.”
Ziva and Mcgee hold their breaths so they can hear Tony’s heart breaking in a million pieces.
"I’m on it boss, but did you really have to treat my sandwich like that?" Tony gives him a slanted look. "The pastrami didn’t do anything to you. The pastrami didn’t do anything to anyone. The pastrami is your friend…the pastrami wants to be your friend."
Gibbs walks back to DiNozzo’s desk and dumps his drink in the trash. Without a single word, he returns to his desk.
"Okay. The pastrami is not your friend." He manages to get out quickly.
"What did Ducky find?" McGee decides to bring the focus back to the case.
"Hopefully a partial print." Gibbs perches himself on his desk. "Hodge’s body was wrapped in plastic when Ducky removed his clothes."
"I knew there had to have been a reason he was fully clothed and lying on a bathroom floor." Tony says while stilling his hands on the keyboard. "What killed him?"
"Three bullets to the chest and one to the stomach."
Tony makes a face as he puts his hand over his slightly full stomach.
"The plastic was used to keep the blood from getting the place messy."
Ziva shifts in her chair as the details of the case are beginning to show themselves for the first time.
McGee sits there and calculates for a moment. “That means he wasn’t dressed before he got shot…otherwise his clothes would be bloody.”
Tony glares at McGee for being brighter than he at the moment.
"Yeah. We got that already, MaGee." Gibbs says with a slight attitude. "Hodge’s body also reeks of tobacco."
"Chain smoker?" Tony blurts.
"I thought I left you in charge of reading his file?" Gibbs darkens his eyes.
"You did, but the network has been slow all week…" Tony thinks quickly. "McGeek probably fried the memory by having one of his Battlestar Galactica Convention Meetings."
"It’s called War of Warcraft!" McGee nearly hollers.
"FOCUS!" Gibbs growls at two of his agents. "DiNozzo, get off that damn computer and head down to the Marine base. Find out anything about Hodge that could help us figure out who did this to him." He tosses a look to McGee. "Go with him."
"You’re giving me, Probie?" Gibbs makes a face, but grabs his back quickly in the process. "Last one to the elevator doesn’t get to drive!"
McGee chooses to take his time as he recalls the same declaration from Tony a week ago where he was in the lead on the rush to the elevator until Tony purposely tripped him.
"Ziva, you’re with me." Gibbs says in his normal tone of voice.
"Where are we going?" She asks as easily as she can.
"Hodge’s residence." He opens his desk drawer and retrieves his weapon and badge. "Inform his family."
Ziva feels the vibration just then from her personal cell phone. Knowing exactly who it is, she ignores it as best she can and reaches for her own desk draw to retrieve her weapons.
After several minutes they both find themselves waiting in front of the elevator.
"Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get used to this." She mutters more to herself than him.
"Only if you’re heartless."
The elevator makes its usual sound and the steel doors begin to divide.
"Someone Who Can Satisfy" Gibbs/Ziva/NCIS Fan Fiction / Chapter 1
Title: Someone Who Can Satisfy
Summary: Because of her honor she played games. Because of her honor she got in trouble.
Feedback: I would be delighted.
Somewhere in the back of her mind she knew that staying at a hotel was a bad idea. The privacy of a master suite was thought to be romantic, but she knew better.
She knew her husband better than she knew herself. A truth so honest, yet a truth so frightening.
But who was her husband? Everything and everyone, but obviously someone she did not love.
Of course much like everything else in her life, her picture of love had been distorted since she was a small child. It had its honors and its pride, but it lacked its passion and its tenderness. Love, to her, was like another notch in a warriors belt. Another level to reach and another level one must survive all the way through until the very end.
Unfortunately for her, blood came before the end, and so did the bumps and bruises.
Jackson knew from the moment he saw her that she was the one who could hold him when he needed to be held together and the one who could put him back together when the pieces would fall. He knew she would be his go-to-girl, no matter the need, no matter the want, and no matter the time of day; any-day…everyday, so it seemed.
He loved her for her earthy vibes. He loved her for her strength. He loved her for her abilities. He even loved her for her independency.
She was a young woman with experience in everything that happened in ones life, and more. He was a slightly older man with the same, and together they were an unstoppable team.
But when she saw the body of an innocent Marine on the floor of the bathroom, she wanted to break free from the madness.
She wanted it all to stop.
It’s officially love. I love Dr. Barnaby Fulton. He’s probably my most favorite Cary Grant character as of…the last two weeks.
He’s smart. He’s geeky. He has a doctor coat. He wears suspenders. He wears bow-ties. He’s got the nerdiest glasses in the entire world. He’s so…lovely that even though he is in black and white, I can imagine him in color. That’s just how lovely he is.
Did I mention he’s quirky? That he’s nice. He’s sweet. He’s romantic…he’s fooking adorable. He’s sexy like a motherfooker. I just… fooking want him all to myself.
I…fooking luvs you Barnaby.